Who Answers?

The Woes of Crappy Sponsorship


I’ve had a sponsor for three or four months now, and I think it’s time to change.  At first it was good; she answered my calls and even called me on occasion.  We met up on a semi-regular basis and seemed to bond.  Lately it is different.  I call her most days, as I’m told by the program you should, and she rarely answers.  I get to talk to her about once a week and have seen her only once in the last three weeks outside of our weekly meeting.  The weird part is, she’s acting like nothing’s wrong.

I got a long text from her yesterday that at first I thought would be explaining her lack of connectivity, and it was just a really long quote from a recovery book.  Thanks, but I’d prefer you to pick up the f***ing phone.

I would understand if she said, “I’m really sorry. I’m too busy for this” or “I’m really sorry.  I can’t be your sponsor because I’m dealing with my own issues.”  Instead, she just carries on like she’s being a perfect sponsor.  I don’t get it.

I always ask her about her stuff and how she’s doing.  While I don’t have as much time sober by a long shot, it seems like due to my inordinate amount of time in treatment and therapy, I’m further along in accepting and dealing with my past. It almost feels like I have more emotional sobriety, so why should I be turning to her for that.

I’m going through a lot of rough, mind-boggling, emotionally challenging issues right now, and I really do need the support of a sponsor.  I’m starting the process of writing/compiling a book on an emotional topic, and I’m going to a family wedding this month, and I have enormous, stressful, disgusting family issues.

My therapist would ask, “what does this remind you of from your past?”  I hate him for the fact that the question even occurred to me.  When I was a child, my father was very busy running a booming business, so even though I felt safe around him, I didn’t get much time with him. I looked up to him, but, in reality, he didn’t have his emotions in order.

I’ve told a few people about my sponsor’s reliability lately, and they think I should get a new sponsor.  I had my eye on another girl who has a few years, but when we hung out, she just didn’t seem to have her life under control, so it’s back to the drawing board. I’m keeping an eye out now, particularly for a sponsor with more than a few years and a large amount of emotional sobriety.

When you switch sponsors, most of them make you start from step one.  I just feel like I need to keep going.  I have the first three steps down.  I’ve already done them twice, I have a nice sense of powerlessness and unmanageability and a vision of a higher power that I rely upon and trust in.  I guess I just feel like I’m ready to move on, but I obviously have to switch sponsors.

I am additionally concerned about the break-up talk.  Obviously I have to thank her for her time and help, but how do I explain why it’s time for me to go to a new sponsor and move on.  “I just want to be friends,” comes to mind, but that’s too cliché for romantic relationships.  Unfortunately this is not something I can ask my sponsor about, but I’ll figure the break-up speech out.



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Filed under: Addiction, Recovery · Tags: 12 step meetings, 12 step program, 12-steps, Addiction, addiction treatment center, Recovery, treatment center

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