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Reconnecting With Old Passions

 

When I was younger, before my days of using, I was a passionate person. I was passionate about dancing, about singing, about figure skating. I was passionate about my friendships, and passionate about my family. That all changed when I lost myself to the world of heroin and addiction. The only thing I was passionate about was my drugs, my dealing, and my junkie friends. When I got sober, I felt lost –what did I have anymore? I didn’t have my drugs, my old friends, or my favored lifestyle. I also couldn’t connect with what I used to love so much. Slowly, I’ve begun to rediscover my passions and learn how to integrate them with my new life.

Music and performance has been a part of my life since I was a child. From community plays to singing lessons and performances, I always loved the sound of music, reaching for notes, and basking in music’s glow. When I first got sober, I couldn’t hear the notes that I was so tuned into when I was high, or in my life prior to drugs. It didn’t seem to hold the same magic. However, when I let myself hear the songs for what they were, I began to reconnect with my love for music. I began to write songs again, and let myself feel a love I’d thought I’d lost. It barely ended with music though.

Dance has been an important aspect of my life for a long time as well. Even in the heights of my addiction, I competed and attended classes. In fact, I was under the belief that using drugs enhanced my performance. In a way, it was all a matter of self-perception. When I was under the influence, I was less prone to be self-conscious and therefore perform better. When I found my sober sea legs, I felt unsteady and unsure of myself. As with anything, I improved when I practiced and began to believe that I was capable and talented.

How do we reconnect with things that we thought we lost in our addiction? It’s stunningly simple and complex at once. We simply have to pick them up again, or experiment with new activities. We have to choose to leap over that line of fear that we’ve drawn in the sand. We have to choose to chase our passions and not let ourselves become complacent. It’s easy to be afraid and convince ourselves that we’re not good enough, not talented enough, not able. It is all in our heads, and we only need to ask for support and face our fears.

Becoming sober can be a grieving process – after all, we’ve lost our seemingly only companion, the one thing we’ve turned to for a long time. We’ve lost the crutch we’ve relied on, and now have to face the world as it is. However, it is also a beautiful experience. We find things that we didn’t even know we lost or gave up, and we develop the strength to pursue the things we love. We see things through renewed eyes, and we pick up new hobbies that can bring us happiness and excitement. All it takes is a willingness to reconnect with pieces of ourselves that we’ve lost.

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Written by

A native New Yorker, Bre loves the California scene and writing for Treatment4Addiction. She has been writing content for T4A for five months, and loves to learn new things, form opinions, and send them out to the world. Her interests include dance, singing, acting, talking with friends, being a daughter, and being the best big sister she can to her 16 year old brother. After attending ASU for a few months, she is interested in taking cosmetology classes and exploring her options. She looks forward to learning all she can, and doing something positive with that knowledge and experience.

Filed under: Addiction, Alcohol and Drugs, Life, Recovery, Substance Abuse · Tags: Addiction, crutch, dance, dancing, drugs, family, fear, fears, figure skating, friendship, herion, hobbies, music, passion, passions, performance, self-conscious, Self-perception, singing, sober, sobriety

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