When I was in college (at college may be more accurate—I did not attend classes), Thursday through Sunday (and sometimes Monday through Wednesday) I woke up in the morning or more realistically afternoon with a sharp pain in my head that seemed to pulse every time I moved or heard a sound and generally rapidly found myself hugging the porcelain goddess. Sometimes when I woke up I perceived the strong smell of gin and a wet sensation originating from my groin. Did I spill a gin and tonic or drink so much that when I wet the bed it smelled like gin? Between heaves, I would curl up on the nasty rug in the bathroom and hope that my roommates didn’t need to use the restroom, so I wouldn’t have to move. If I wasn’t already naked, which I generally somehow became at some point during the night, I would strip off the remnants of the slutty outfit I borrowed from my roommate the night before. Several times I had disruption of my bowels to the extent that I sharted unexpectedly, generally on my sheets or the bathroom rug. I felt disgusting, but found that several simple solutions helped.
First, drinking Gatorade throughout my night of intoxication helped keep my body in balance and prevented extreme hangovers. Similarly, drinking several glasses of water helps to keep the body hydrated.
First, I needed a large bowl of marijuana or a joint. I normally budgeted my marijuana, but, for hangovers, I was really sick, so I deserved to smoke as much as I needed—for medical reasons. I found that this rapidly decreased the vomiting although it didn’t do as much for the headache. However, once my stomach was more settled, I could set out for the dining hall (assuming it was open) and eat a decent breakfast which generally helped my head somewhat. Alternatively, I could go the Alka-Seltzer route once I knew I wouldn’t just throw it up before it had any effect (however that has the risk of really gross tasting lemon-lime throw up).
While I was never a huge fan of drinking right when I got up, some find it helpful to drink from the bottle left next to the bed. The few times I tried this remedy, towards the end of my drinking career, it was very beneficial. The key is to drink whatever kind of alcohol you had the night before.
Alternative remedies that I thought to search for on the internet while using include both prevention and remedy solutions. For prevention, while intoxicated take extra B and C vitamins, eat saturated fats (I did almost always do this intoxicated already), and take asprin before bed. For after the onset of the hangover, take a pain killer, eat eggs and a banana, and drink a sports drink. While several articles do not recommend caffeine, I found that once my stomach was settled, caffeine was beneficial if I drank enough water or Gatorade.
Lastly, sleep is essential. Go back to bed after eating, smoking, and drinking. Generally, I would wake up in time to start drinking again with my friends who somehow had miraculously gone to class, done homework, or worked since the last time we drank. I am grateful that today I only have to deal with normal headaches and stomach upset, and hangovers are a thing of my past.