Hey Taylor,

Take it easy on yourself, man. You would be amazed at how many people have been in your situation (or worse!) and are happy today. You sound just like I did before I got clean. I know it is scary in the beginning, but just trust me that so many things get better once you regain some control over your life. It is all caused by the drugs, man. I used to worry that my I was unlucky, that my life would always suck, and that I would always be unhappy. Today, none of these are true. I am the happiest I've ever been and I cant even believe it.

maybe i should try going to a meeting. ive been to a lot from rehabs ive been in, but never really wanted to be sober back then. i like how you said there is a difference between being "in recovery" and "just not drinking". that makes a lot of sense to me. one thing i remember from meetings is that drinking and using is never really the problem, its just of a symptom of the real problem: the thinking and behavior. so maybe i should try to work on this stuff and go to a meeting. i tihnk im gonna call a friend who is in AA and ask him whats up