You might think I’m a really sick guy, but I love hearing people tell the story of their bottom. "…and that’s when I really hit my bottom.”--This line punctuates all kinds of hilarious stories of depravity, horror and disgust.
Important disclaimer here: I approach life and recovery with a much-needed sense of humor. I’m not here to weep and moan about the terrible life of an addict/alcoholic. Fun and lightheartedness are a part of my spiritual wellbeing. That being said- I don’t love hearing about bottoms because I get sadistic pleasure out of the worst of other peoples’ suffering. I love hearing about them because they serve as such wonderful little tools for my sobriety- they remind me of the power of the disease- and the kind of places that addicts inevitably end up if they drink or use.
I would like to share some of these stories with you, but I don’t feel like it would be right to repeat peoples'' stories, and I’m also pretty sure this is a G-rated addiction website. Instead of the stories themselves, I’m more interested in the concept of the bottom. How does a person know they have hit a bottom? Can an alcoholic/addict bottom be defined?
When an addict has ‘hit bottom’ they have reached the point when they actively start to make positive changes. It can only get better from there!
I’m going to break this down into three different types of bottoms that I have observed, for the sake of this blog:
The catastrophic bottom: All bets are off. You overdosed in a gutter. Wake up, go home- you’ve been evicted. Maybe you can stay with your girlfriend- oh wait she’s with another man. The doctor calls at this point and informs you that you have a chronic illness. You meet up with your dealer, but he shoots you in the leg and takes the rest of your money. You pass out because of the unbearable pain and wake up in prison- detoxing. Oh and don’t bother calling your family because they stopped talking to you a long time ago. Incomprehensible demoralization makes you decide that this is the last straw- you have truly hit your bottom and it is time for a change.
The coerced bottom: So you had a bit of a drug problem. You did your fair share of drinking/using and took it too far. You ran out of money or you got in trouble with the law- for one reason or another you have been forced into treatment. You listen to the catastrophic bottom guys in awe. Your bottom wasn’t that dramatic, but it was enough. At first you may have been coerced into recovery but now you have decided that enough is enough and it is time for a change. You have found a new life through a 12 step program and you are sticking with it.
The bottomless pit: You always think “I’m really done this time! I have hit my bottom!” Then the insanity takes hold and you keep repeating the same mistake. “I will handle it this time”. If the bottomless pit does not change paths, the future is described for them in the Big Book- “Jails, Institutions and Death.”
It seems like these may be legitimate categories- but really that was a bunch of b/s. All of three of these bottoms depend solely on whether or not a person is truly done getting loaded. Some people who experience a catastrophic bottom end up relapsing. Some people with a coerced bottom happily work the program for the rest of their lives. Some bottomless pits finally stop digging.
There is no need to question whether you or another has “truly” hit bottom because there are no criteria to determine whether a person has hit bottom. There is no checklist to determine an ‘official bottom’. No one sets the standard. There is no certification. The ultimate truth is that your bottom is when you stop digging. This is the reality: a person can either decide that they have hit bottom and truly work towards change, or they can continue digging their own grave.