Fear of Success
What if all of your wildest dreams came true? What if your intentions, hopes, desires, fantasies became reality…would you really want it? I am pretty certain that at this point most people reading this are saying “YEAH”…”what are you crazy?” Truth be told, it has been said that most therapists and psychologists are a bit crazy.
However, I believe, the greatest challenge that most people face, in one arena of their life or another, is the fear of success. Success changes people. It changes the way that one interacts with them and the ways in which they interact with others. Ostensibly, we want to fight this fact, but most of us have examples of how various forms of conventional (or unconventional success) has altered our relationships and inevitably us. At times, this change has been for our betterment, other times it has come to the hindrance of our values, our relationships, and ourselves.
What does success really mean? What does it really affect? What really changes? The answer to these questions will vary based on each individual; however, it does tend to amalgamate around several issues/fears. Frequently, the notion of success lends to a greater fear of loneliness, increase in mistrust of others intentions, jealousy, power, fear of loss of spirituality and/or love, etc. Hence, so many people can become “sitting ducks!”
Perhaps it may be useful to look at some examples to elucidate how success can be fearful and prevent one from taking up action. Let us look at success in the area of love. Here is a scenario that may sound familiar to many: the guy (or girl) who has a bevy of single friends that have their weekend and weekday rituals-they may go out to the bars/clubs on the weekends, watch football on Sunday/Monday nights, Thursday night Grey’s Anatomy, Tuesday night Yoga or Basketball. Boy meets girl (or girl meets boy) and will sabotage or pass up an opportunity for a potentially successful relationship for fear of the implications of such change. Another prevalent area where the fear of success arises is within the realm of work. I have had a plethora of clients share a fear of success within their career because of judgment from others, assumptions regarding how they attained the desired position, fear of having to reconstruct their own reality (i.e.-not being good enough, always having to struggle, etc.). The interplay between the emotional and the social/financial/ occupational comes to an apex where one often has to redefine themselves. Do you ever fear becoming successful (whatever success may mean to you)? How did success affect you?
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