In the beginning of my recovery it was all I could do to share at a meeting. In fact, the first time I went to a dreaded women’s meeting I was so petrified I just watched. Service work was far from my mind but something I’d been told would be invaluable to my recovery. For me, the value of service work was mystifying in a way that rivaled my murky understanding of step three. Today, service is one of the clear markers of my personal progress in recovery and something I know has rounded my recovery in a way that is incalculable.
It started with making coffee. I loved being “coffee girl” as everyone loves coffee and the person who brings it. Someone said to me once, “making coffee will keep you clean” and I do believe it helped to do just that early on. Then, somehow in my first year I was forcibly nominated to co-chair my NA meeting. Huh? I asked, “How is this service?” and the old-timers just smiled and nodded with a frustrating knowing look that I grew to trust. In my NA home-group the natural ebb of things often directs the co-chair to chair and I was thrust into what I could no longer deny was service. Okay-so I was feeling secure in NA at this point and enjoyed being accountable to the other addicts at our meeting but I would never have admitted it at the time!
Things went on like this for years. In both fellowships I attend…I was chairperson for a while and greeted here and there until I began to notice (oddly) and then avoid (naturally) another aspect of service work-H & I. My attitude was one that I was happy to be immersed in my meetings but bringing a meeting somewhere else…well that was for more friendly people. So I sat on that excuse for a while until my women’s AA meeting took on an H & I commitment. Now, it’s important to mention that part of why I loved that meeting was the lack of “group outings” and the eventual insistence on joining the group to take a meeting somewhere. Alas, I succumbed-after all…if I could grow to love a women’s step and tradition meeting maybe I could benefit from this too. By now I could have predicted that I would not only enjoy this thing called service but that I would add it to the fabric of my recovery. I was starting to see the person the program has allowed me to become and this was just one of the ways I was notably surprised.
After all of this, what I am completely shocked about is a commitment I accepted almost two years ago. I was asked to step so far out my comfort zone in the name of recovery related volunteer work I thought the proposition insane. This commitment entailed once weekly four hour stretches of leading a group of addicts through the issues and self-discovery of new sobriety in a unique treatment setting. I know that’s a vague and nebulous description but it would take far more time and words to describe our task. I was joining another volunteer (who happens to be my husband) who had started this commitment and been doing this work for several years. The fact that this volunteer work required standing and speaking in front of a large group of people horrified me and for a few weeks I just watched and learned. Slowly, I gained confidence in my ability to present the material and began to enjoy the work. I’ve been at it now for almost two years and I can say that I have grown personally in immeasurable ways and feel like a true partner doing this volunteer work with my husband each week. The most important thing to mention is the gift of volunteer work I realize I am a part of. With my fears overcome I am left each week after this volunteer commitment with the knowledge that I may have helped an addict in their recovery. Once I finally was able to get outside of myself, I understood the suggestion early in my recovery to be a part of service work. Being of service to another addict in any way I am willing and able is the gift I both give and receive in recovery. I now understand the true meaning and power of service.