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The First Annual T4A Dumb Sh*t Poll

 

Dumb PollThe FBI probed Republican lawmakers and staff about a riotous evening in Israel during which congressmen, staffers, and some family that had come along for the trip swam in the Sea of Galilee.  While this may seem normal, it turned out that many of them were in different states of nudity and Congressman Kevin Yoner (R-Kansas) was actually entirely in the nude.

Truthfully, I went skinny dipping in Israel, but what I find so peculiar about this one is that many staff confirmed to the FBI that they may have been acting under the influence of alcohol; the daughter (age 19) and wife of another congressman were present when Yoner was swimming nude; and they were on a sponsored trip from a Zionist educational group trying to persuade the politicians to act proactively for Israel’s best interest and obviously would be watched as they were a large group of public figures traveling internationally (a good time for appropriate behavior).  While the late night dip in the Christian holy site of the Sea of Galilee caused uproars and later apologies from Yoner, I cannot help but think of how many things I apologized for when I was drinking.  All in all, this is our first and most public display of dumb sh*t people do under the influence.

Read below for our staff’s list of dumb, illogical, embarrassing, and often gross things we did when f***ed up.

  1. Dressed in my underwear, covered my body in words written in Crayola markers, built a tent out of a sheet from Goodwill and cut a hole in it, had my classmates go in the tent with protective eyewear from the woodworking room, and blew bubbles at them for a graded class project.  This was a “conceptual” piece.
  2. Pooped on my roommate’s blanket when I climbed into her bed naked (the second part was actually normal for us).
  3. I had just completed finals, so I was jacked up on crystal meth and had not really slept for 4 days.  I decided to celebrate by taking mushrooms with my friends and going to a desert party.  The mushrooms hit me especially hard, and I remember needing a place to sit and rest, and so I found a large batch of cactus and fell asleep.  I was only asleep for an hour when my friend woke me up screaming and pulling at me.  It took me a little while to realize what he was saying and what I was sitting in.  Once I realized it, I looked down and saw that I was covered in prickly things and thought I had morphed into the hell raiser guy.  Horrified, I jumped out of the cactus patch and quickly removed all my clothes and any prickly things I could find.  Once I was naked and free of prickly things I went to the dance area and danced until the sun came up.
  4. Coming off of a cocaine-induced three day period of sleeplessness, I decided that the best way to combat the lethargy was to start abusing my prescription Adderall.  Albeit, it was winter in San Francisco, but I decided, probably due to my high body temperature, to wear a pair of shorts and a cut-off t-shirt.  I promptly went on a drug-hazed tour of the city that led me to a random Laundromat in China Town.  I proceeded inside the Laundromat and became convinced that all I had to do was knock a secret code on the back door and, alas, it would open and I would be given a secret stash of money to transport (where, I had no idea then and still to this day).  Since the door would not open, I saw an empty gigantic and expensive Swiss-Army made laundry bag on the floor.  Now convinced that this bag secretly held rolls of $100 stashed in a covert compartment in this bag, I calmly lifted this bag onto my shoulder and walked out of the Laundromat.Next, I proceeded to one of the highest hills in town and believed that my next obligation was to run wind sprints up the hill…repeatedly…for an hour.  I came to after passing out at the top of the hill on probably the 50th attempt and looked down at my body.  My knees were covered in blood and I was soaked through to the bone with sweat in forty degree weather.  I next proceeded to take “my” bag to the Godiva Chocolate factory and got into a heated exchange with the guy at the soda fountain who wouldn’t refill my beverage.  Here I am bumbling around a tightly populated store bumping into people with a gigantic bag that looked like a mobile suitcase on my back.  Somebody called security and that led to another shouting match.  Luckily, with the grace of some unknown power, I had the (un)common sense to leave before the police were called.
  5. I used to post up on Chat Roulette (www.chatroulette.com) and smoke marijuana and crystal meth.
  6. After sending an e-mail to the Department of Defense’s contractor Raytheon, I believed that one night while I was sleeping they came to my house in the middle of the night to perform a surgery on me.  They implanted a bionic ear onto my head, so that they were able to hear everything that I heard and communicated with me via radio signals.  At one point I was even receiving communication from the President via this device, which I believed had been implanted.
  7. I used to enjoy setting up a video camera on myself and do drugs.  I think a part of me wanted these videos to get into the wrong hands.
  8. Coming out of a blackout, I found myself standing over my roommate with my d*ck hanging out over his face; I had just pissed on him, mostly on his facial area.  He should have kicked my a** but told me to gather his sheets up and go wash them.Hoped you enjoyed these antics.


We are sure you have some of your own :-)

 

-The T4A Team

 

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Filed under: Featured · Tags: Addiction, alcohol, Alcohol and Drugs, alcoholism, Chat Roulette, cocaine, Crystal Meth, Kevin Yoner, Laundromat, Sea of Galilee