Opinions in AA Explored

April 7th, 2010 | Add a Comment

You will hear in meetings ‘relapse is apart of recovery’, which is less of a majority opinion, you will hear ‘you cannot get sober for anyone else besides yourself’ and, ‘no dating for one year clean and sober rule’ both of which are incredibly common. Considering none of these statements above are mentioned in any four versions of Alcoholics Anonymous (also referred to as the ‘Big Book’). and that sponsors don’t have doctorates and PhD’s in anything besides their ego sometimes (you can’t be considered a real addict without an ego, smashed or not). is a subject worth exploring.

Is relapsing a necessary part of recovery?
I’ve been to three rehabs and am more shocked to hear someone say they have never relapsed versus ‘i have been to rehab twice’. I can see how that statement is disheartening, I feel as though that is why the saying relapsing is part of recovery was created to give solace to the majority of those sober who have had a ‘slip’ or a their fair share of ‘slips’. I have gained experience and insight after the times I went out to get drunk or high when I start treating my sobriety and life complacently. At the same time I have one friend got sober and stayed sober for 4 years now, who I always call when my mind convinces me my world has become a dramatic mess, and just as she is an anomaly so would advice by her that is unclear and doesn’t resonate with me and ease my anxiety.

Sometimes I will hear people retort, offended, about two issues: I didn’t need to relapse to understand this program, I got it my first time. And, If I didn’t get sober for ‘so and so’ I would not be sober today. My personal favorite is when a member goes on a tirade at the podium or in the clinical director’s office at the rehab at ‘nowhere does it say in the Big Book that I can’t date for a year!!!!’ I have been one of them, we all have.

When sponsors say (and some are non-negotiable on this subject) and counselors and therapists, “don’t date until you have one year clean and sober” it’s for a multitude of valid reasoning, although still coming from a skeptical perspective. “It will distract you from yourself.” “You don’t even know yourself yet.” “When you two break up you will most likely relapse”.
These are bias statements blurred into a tone of factual evidence. As well, they are extremely valid points that one does need to introspectively ruminate on before making a decision.

It is Highly suggested to take direction from therapists, sponsors and counselors. Personally, my life made a complete 360 from taking direction “our best thinking got us here [jails, institutions and death...oh my!]” It is also important not to follow someone’s direction dogmatically as well, yet Always openly. This is a program of honesty, openness and willingness, without which one trying to recover will not stay sober, period. Keep in mind that taking direction and making decisions is not mutually exclusive.
To wait 12 months or to not wait 12 months!? Only you know the answer, and make sure you have a sponsor you can be honest with about the subject. And if they suggest Sex Love Addicts Anonymous, take that into deep consideration as well.

I’ll end this blog with a definition I took from answers.com

Relative: Considered in comparison with something else. Interconnected with something else; not absolute.