The first step in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous is “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable.” Every person that wants to truly initiate a life-long program of sobriety has to truthfully accept and believe that their addiction took over every aspect of their life and that they had no control over it. Truly accepting that I was an alcoholic and addict was the hardest part of getting sober. For some time, I went from believing that I was, to believing that I wasn’t and that I could control it, which I was never able to do. For years, I
struggled with this, but one day I hit a bottom. I almost got a second DUI while on probation for my first but I got off. If it weren’t for the kind-heartedness of the police and the grace of God I would probably be in jail right now, with no hope that things could get better. Even before this incident happened I was living a very unpleasant and depressed-ridden life, drinking every day until I blacked-out and passed out. It took almost going to jail for me to accept that I truly did have a problem and that I needed help. I accept the fact that I’m an alcoholic and I can never have another drink if I want to live a respectable, healthy life.
My experiences of acceptance in my life, other than accepting that I am an alcoholic, have been challenging for me, both before AA, and now. Like most young children, it was hard for me growing up to accept my parent’s rules and to follow them. They would both tell me to do something, whether it was to make my bed, not to eat on the couch, or complete a simple chore and I resisted and gave them lip about it causing me to get into trouble. I didn’t understand that they were my parents, the authority figures that ruled over my life, and that I had to accept that; whatever they said I had to comply with even if I didn’t think it was fair. I have been living like this all my life, and not until very recently have I understood acceptance and what it really means to accept something for what it is even if it has its faults in my eyes. A week ago at the sober living I’m currently at, I got into an argument with my house manager about eating on the couch. I knew that I wasn’t allowed to eat in the living room but yet I still did and got confronted on it by him. He told me that I knew I wasn’t supposed to be eating on the couch and that he was writing me up for it. I argued with him and disrespected him, and as a result I got two more write-ups, subsequently putting me on restriction. If I would have just accepted the rule even if in my heart of hearts I thought it was ridiculous. There are rules in life and I have to follow and accept them the way they are. Things might not be to my liking or go the way I want or expect them to, but just accepting and letting my higher power do the rest creates a better and more serene life for me.