Convincing Your Heart or Your Brain?!
I had an interesting reply to a blog that had me pondering the very essence of their statement. In response to my blog on Dating vs. Relationships: The Addiction, one person commented that it “sounds like you need to convince your heart, not your brain.” I am very interested to know what other people think. Is it as simple to say that if we can convince our hearts that we will be able to be healthy, successful relationships?
My knowledge and experience informs me that it is a bit more complicated than merely being able to convince one or the other. Many addicts/alcoholics have a history of trauma that results in a “broken heart” or even worse, a brain that is “damaged” (read the next blog on The Trauma Under It All for a more in depth understanding). The vagaries that addicts/alcoholics face upon getting sober are magnified. Feelings of abandonment, mistrust, betrayal, grief/loss, lack of safety are exacerbated when the chemical numbing agent is removed from their lives. Treatment facilities, members of AA, therapists frequently tell patients that they cannot trust their thoughts or feelings because their disease is the dictator of their being. Can you trust your intentions behind your convictions? What part of yourself are you trusting?
The premise behind AA is that one’s well-being is contingent on a relationship with a Higher Power, a spiritual connection. When dealing with relationships, whether it is the addiction to relationships or to dating, does it behoove addicts/alcoholics to convince themselves to trust their Higher Power rather than their heart or their brain? I have heard many clients tell me that their feelings and thoughts were unreliable and unsafe, but I have never heard someone say to me that their spiritual relationship was unreliable and unsafe. I believe that some people have spent most of their lives utilizing/convincing their brain and never their heart and vice versa-to each man (or woman) his own. Whatever path lends to you being able to move towards your preferred self, towards a fulfilling, healthy, balanced, flourishing relationship, I completely support. I am curious what your thought and experiences are.
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