When it comes to your sobriety people tend to tip-toe around you in fear of the dreaded relapse. I find it super awkward, so why not just use it to your advantage? A good way to use it to your advantage is to use your sponsor as an excuse for things you don’t want to face yourself. You’re probably saying, “Oh wow! Way to take responsibility for your actions, pal. That’s a childish thing to do. Have you learned anything from this program, man?!” I would love to answer that, but my sponsor told me not to engage in any conversation that doesn’t keep me on a spiritual path of righteousness because I may get loaded and end up on the streets, homeless, turning tricks to support my habit. See that move? Argument averted. That’s a game killer.
It’s always rough breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend. It gets messy with emotions, tears and things like that. You throw your recovery in the mix, put it on your sponsor and it softens the blow. “Babe, my sponsor thinks that I’m just too early in my recovery to be dating right now. He/She’s such a dick, but I really want to stay sober. I hope you understand.” You come out looking like Gandhi, resisting your urges to stay on top of your program and principles.
Another way to use your sponsor is getting out of family functions. Family get-togethers can be hectic at times. Throw your sponsor under the bus on this one. “Mom, I really would love to attend Aunt Elma’s annual Jello pudding family reunion, but my sponsor thinks my recovery has been slacking a bit so I’m going to be getting 5 commitments that day.” Your mom thinks that you are working hard program with your sponsor, meanwhile instead of eating Jello pudding with your crazy aunt you’re with your buddies on a nice Saturday playing Call of Duty and eating Cheetos.
You can also use your sponsor when you have been an asshole. Ever chew someone out and feel really bad about it afterwards? Now you have to apologize to the person, not because they were right about the argument, but because you handled it poorly. You don’t want the apology to seem like your apologizing for being wrong, so to avoid any mix-ups you can just put it on your sponsor. “Hey man, I know I seemed a bit harsh, but my sponsor told me I’m too timid and I need to stand up for myself so I was advised to try out getting really mad in situations that I am right. I don’t agree with the exercise, but I want what my sponsor has so I’m trying anything!”
This article is horrible. I didn’t want to do it, but my sponsor made me write it.