In the beginning of my recovery it was all I could do to share at a meeting. In fact, the first time I went to a dreaded women’s meeting I was so petrified I just watched. Service work was far from my mind but something I’d been told would be invaluable to my recovery. For me, the value of service work was mystifying in a way that rivaled my murky understanding of step three.   Today, service is one of the clear markers of my personal progress in recovery and something I know has rounded my recovery in a way that is incalculable.

It started with making coffee. I loved being “coffee girl” as everyone loves coffee and the person who brings it. Someone said to me once, “making coffee will keep you clean” and I do believe it helped to do just that early on. Then, somehow in my first year I was forcibly nominated to co-chair my NA meeting. Huh? I asked, “How is this service?” and the old-timers just smiled and nodded with a ... Read More »

     There are four children in my family of origin. I am the youngest of the four. My eldest brother turned out to be a “normie” but not for a lack of effort…he at one time was no angel. However, it turns out the three remaining siblings are the addicts and alcoholics in the family. I’ll put my own addiction and subsequent recovery aside today because it is my siblings, the middle children, who weigh heavily on my mind these days. Most recently, I’m sick about my sister-the last of us to reach the chronic stages of this disease.

     I can’t continue without mention of the second eldest brother in my family, who died of his disease five years ago in July. His was a struggle of lengthy and torturous proportions that culminated with his death sitting on the mausoleum steps in the cemetery near my parent’s home. He was an alcoholic from childhood and his entire adult life was spent as an alcoho ... Read More »

When I share about how I lost my nursing license I almost don’t know where to begin. Thinking about how far I’ve come since, I suddenly find the words. I won’t tell my whole story…I’ll save that for another entry.   This September will mark the end of five years of state regulated probation of my license to practice nursing. Oh-What a five years it has been. In 1998 I was stealing opiates from the drug dispensing machine (yes...they exist) at the hospital. Believe it or not-this went on for years undiscovered. I was caught and reported to the state for diversion of narcotics and my license was put on probation.   While on probation I found another job and although I never wanted to do IV dilaudid again-I was still using cocaine and alcohol. The only problem…random urine screens.            After about two years and two bouts with kidney failure I tested positive seve ... Read More »