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Inner Peace


People always say that the addict alcoholic is restless, irritable, and discontent.  I get that.  I feel it all too often.  I constantly feel like I want be somewhere else, doing something else, annoyed by everyone and everything, and terribly unhappy with whatever I’m doing or whoever I’m with.  It is part of my condition.  But sometimes I get this little glimmer of comfort.

It started while I was in treatment and got massages.  I felt warm, soft, and calm from the skilled massage therapists working my muscles and releasing stress.  They were calm and slowly as the session went on, I could feel my body relaxing and my mind becoming clear.  It was not the first time I’d gotten massages, but in conjunction with treatment and getting in touch with my emotions, it took the massage experience to a whole new level.

The feeling of inner peace spread to other events.  I used to always feel restless, irritable, and discontent at meetings, but suddenly in one meeting I felt my the knots in my stomach starting to unravel and relax.  I watched the sensation and realized I liked the meeting and felt good in it.  I was shocked.  I’d heard other alcoholics talk about “needing” a meeting, but never really gotten.  I realized I might be like them.  I might need meetings, too.  They made me feel good.

The feeling of relaxation and peace slowly entered other parts of my life, too.  I’d be with a sober friend doing arts and crafts or baking a cake, and I would suddenly feel calm and at peace.  I did not want to be doing anything else with anyone else.  I was perfectly content.

I found that certain things and behaviors could bring on the sensation of peace: going to a meeting, that moment after you share at a meeting when everyone claps, expressing myself by making art, cuddling my dog, or going on a walk with her.  I don’t just have triggers to use or feel scared, but I have triggers to feel better, too.

I can take this knowledge and structure my free time around these tasks.  I take my dog for a walk once a day; I bake a cake once a week; I do arts and crafts regularly.  The more often and intensely I feel at peace, the easier it is to access it the next time.  Yes, the addict alcoholic is restless, irritable, and discontent inherently before recovery, but, through recovery, the addict alcoholic is capable of transforming his or her demeanor and experience.



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Filed under: Addiction, Alcohol and Drugs, Recovery, Treatment · Tags: 12 step meetings, Addiction, alcohol treatment, Drug Abuse, drug addiction, Recovery

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