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Calm Down


All throughout my life (before I used, while I used, and during my sobriety) I just wanted everyone to calm down, bro. I always felt like everyone was just too hectic around me during all stages of my life. Some may say maybe it is I that is the hectic one and that I projected my feelings to others. If you think that, you need to calm down, bro. I’m not sure exactly what it is in me that gets so frustrated with obnoxious people, maybe it’s because they are obnoxious. I am going to give a timeline of my “calm down, bro” phases.


  • “Calm down, bro. I am trying to figure out how to smoke this cigarette.” The first thing I experimented with was smoking cigarettes when I was 13 years old. My friends would always making a scene because we were so excited to be rebellious and I always wanted them to calm down so I could concentrate on getting the most bad-ass technique down.


  • “Calm down, bro. I am way too high for this shit.” When I advanced from cigarettes to smoking weed a whole new set of hectic people entered my life. All my friends wanted to do things, like get up and walk somewhere. I just didn’t understand. I mean, we were all doing just fine on the couch and all of the sudden someone wanted me go to the store with them… or change the channel. I mean come on, bro.


  • “Calm down, bro. I’m trying to get sober.” When I became addicted to opiates I spent a good year trying to get sober on my own. This caused many days of being sick and unsuccessfully kicking. People always drove me crazy by doing things like turning on the lights or breathing the wrong way. Basically everything drove me crazy. I still don’t understand why people didn’t get it and just calm down.


  • “Calm down, bro. I’m newly sober.” When I got sober I felt like everyone in the recovery community was trying to give me advice. I was mostly focused on getting my bowel movements to start functioning properly and everyone is talking to me about praying and Higher Power. Calm down, everyone. Let me properly digest a meal first.


  • “Calm down, bro. I’m spiritual level eagle.” Now that I am very sober and have an amazing spiritual bank account (not to brag, but I’m sort of a big deal) I just can’t handle people who make comments that lower my spiritual plane. Some of these comments are, “hey man, do you think you would be able to help me out today?” Calm down, bro, of course I can help you out I am spiritual level eagle.


If you read this blog and didn’t enjoy it… you need to calm down, bro, you’re taking this shit too seriously.



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