Restoring trust is very difficult in the process of recovery. Most family members feel betrayed and violated by the practicing addict or alcoholic. Building trust is a process and comes very slowly. It takes only a moment to break or destroy trust but much time and work to rebuild it. The following are some tools to learn the process of trust for the addict and the family in recovery: Using the word “trust” as an acronym: T.R.U.S.T., each of these letters signifies a word or phrase.
T = Truth
In the process of recovery the family member needs to learn to stay out of denial. The way to do this is to check in with YOURSELF, not the addict, and learn to identify and own what you are feeling as opposed to what they are experiencing. Recovery tends to push out denial and the truth of a situation is revealed.
R = Release
Learning to release yourself from the opinion of others. Release yourself from manipulation or persuasion. Releasing control and the urge to fix situations is important.
U = Use the tools
This means to use the tools of recovery to take care of yourself. Reaching out, calling others, journaling, attending a support group and Al-Anon meetings, exercising, meditating, working a program etc. Whatever your tools are to help you take care of yourself and not give in to others controlling your thoughts and feelings.
S = Stand up for yourself
Learn to set boundaries by setting limits with those around you. No empty threats or being wishy washy.
T = Try again
Remember it’s “progress not perfection” as they say in AA. Nobody does this perfectly and we need to learn this process through repetition and practice.
Donna Markus PhD, Executive Director Malibu Programs, Promises Treatment Center