Let’s face it – life is full of disappointments – little ones, big ones, gigundo sized ones.  The other reality is that some days are better than others in terms of how I deal with them.  I find that The 4 Agreements helps me with it, especially the agreement that states, “Don’t take anything personally.” This past weekend, I got dissed by a friend.  He made a commitment to do something, and then flaked.  In the past, I would have had a huge resentment and then would have called him and given him a piece of my mind about his lack of follow through.  For today, I went out and lived my life.  I journaled about it, did my meditation this morning, as usual, got in touch with the hurt that … Read entire article »

Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers out there – whether it’s because you have biologically fathered a child, or because you have extended fathering energy to others.  Whatever the circumstances, bless you on this day. I remember writing a poem about my Dad in college.  In it I wrote, “You and I have never had a conversation, you’ve only conducted depositions.”  You see, my Dad was a lawyer, and a judge.  Because of his own challenging childhood, one of the defenses he developed was that he had to be right all the time – about everything.  So I learned to do the same thing, or suffer the price of being chastized for not knowing something.  Needless to say, that defense served me well in my household, but it didn’t win … Read entire article »

My experience with Spirit (the name I use to represent a power greater than ourselves) is that, at first, it asks politely for me to shift.  When I don’t listen, typically out of fear, it asks a little more forcefully.  If I still don’t listen, it pokes, and if I have still refused to listen up to that point, it hits me over the head.  Being a human being, I know that I have free will.  I can make a choice.  However, many times over, when Spirit has nudged me in a direction and I haven’t listened, I ended up paying the price.  Often for me, it manifests in my body.  When I finished graduate school, I had no job lined up, so I accepted a full time position … Read entire article »

While facilitating a women’s group in New York City years ago,  that we affectionately referred to as “Camp CODA”, we were working on boundaries one night.  One of the clients, a woman with about 5 years of sobriety at that time said, “So let me get this straight…if I take care of you instead of me, I feel resentful.  And if I take care of me instead of you, I feel guilty.  Is that right?”  I said, “Yes.”  Her response…”Damn, I’m f%&ked!” Often that is the dilemna that we face when setting boundaries – resentment or guilt.  But here’s the reality:  resentments, in my experience, tend to get bigger, and bigger and bigger.  The guilt – with lots of support and reinforcement from other people in recovery who are also striving … Read entire article »