Addiction Treatment Blog by Addiction Experts » Author - Gwenivere
Mexican Drug Cartels Overthrowing the Government
In Jaurez, Mexico, assassins from the drug cartel have already shot and killed Mayor Nicolas Garcia Ambrosio. Shortly afterward the members from the cartel shot and killed a deputy attorney and one of her bodyguards. The current Mayor of Juarez, Jose Reyes Ferriz, relayed to the people of his city that he was not going to step down from his position as Mayor because he will not let down the people that voted for him. Even though the threats are scary and he has an 8 year old daughter, he has made a commitment and plans to stand by it. I thought about this and at first I thought he was making a mistake but then I realized someone has to do it, and isn’t that the … Read entire article »
Filed under: Drugs, Latest News
A New Pair of Glasses
They say in AA you receive a new pair of glasses. The kind of glasses that are clean, unstreaked, and .5 better of a prescription than your last pair. You barely even wore your last pair of glasses. You slept on top of your glasses on the numerous nights you forgot how you got home. They tilted and slid right off your nose when you wore them. You would take them to get a quick fix, but the screws are jammed and you learn you have to live with these cheaply treated lenses. You contemplate that blurred vision might not be so bad. You can look people in the eyes but not see them, all the lights look like glowing spin-art you played as a child. And suddenly reality … Read entire article »
Drug Addiction: Denial & Delusion
Denial for a drug addict can be explained as knowing he/she has a problem yet refusing to confront it or even acknowledge it. Delusion can be described as honestly not having any knowledge of a problem, and therefore cannot even be acknowledged or confronted. This is an article on delusion and denial explored in the 12 & 12 and big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. “The objective to look at ourselves in step four was, after all, only a look. All of us saw, for example, that we lacked honesty and tolerance, that we were beset by attacks of self-pity or delusions of personal grandeur. But while this was a humiliating experience, it didn’t necessarily mean that we had yet acquired much actual humility. Though now recognized, our defects were still there. Something had … Read entire article »
Filed under: Addiction
Do You Believe in Magic? What About God?
Me and my band mate Ashleigh find ourselves at McDonalds. We always find ourselves at McDonalds though. She just found me a kitten. Flashback Three days prior. I wake up at noon like the majority of the week when I don’t wake up at 7am and I text her “I want a kitten, and I want to name her Noelle.” I ask her if she will go to the pound with me she says yes. And then she calls me back three minutes later from a rehab we both went to, where we still visit often. “They found a kitten during Torah Study in the women’s lounge.” The irony at this point hurts me. I decide to see her and take her in, resulting in belly aching anxiety, although I have … Read entire article »
Filed under: Spirituality
Ego
One often wonders “who am I going to be now, that I am not the messed up drug addict that ruins family dinners, and cops dope downtown? I won’t be a badass anymore, I’ll become boring”, or “I can’t live like this anymore, but it’s all I know. What sort of person am I going to become, what identity can I latch onto?” My personal experience with this is an interesting one. I dubbed myself as the artist. I wore ‘artistic’ clothes. I was spiritual. No one understood me. I was a poet. I created a persona of what I thought encompassed a ‘true artist’. I chained smoked cigarettes and read books with big words. I made sure I was too cool for school and everyone knew it, yet … Read entire article »
Filed under: Life, Spirituality
Things to be Grateful For
The obvious things we should all be grateful for is shelter, food, the opportunity to change our lives, our loved ones and the fact that things can always be worse. I know at my worst moments, excluding life threatening situations, I always laugh thinking to myself, things cannot get any worse, and things do get worse. The night that most comes to mind when I think about this is in college when it took me from 2am from 7am to get home from New York City to Long Island. I was so incoherently high and drunk that I had no concept of how to get home and toward the end of the trip after getting lost and spending all my money on lost train fare I eventually had to beg cab … Read entire article »
Filed under: Recovery, Spirituality
Prostitution, Pornography and Sex
Getting sober is hard enough; getting sober and changing lucrative unhealthy careers such as bar tending or alas the porn industry is difficult. Getting sober entails rebuilding a new life, feeling better about yourself and wanting to actually live. Plus there is a 12 step program to help people who do not believe they can do it themselves. Yet, giving up on the porn industry or “high class” prostitution (justified as having an arrangement with someone you would never be interested in yet they offer to buy you $1200 sunglasses) is a difficult judgment to make after all previous engagements in the industry. After indulging in the porn industry and being filmed engaging in sexual activity in front of a crew, sex because first nature and the emotional connection is easily disengaged after … Read entire article »
Filed under: Addiction, Life, Love and Relationships
The Meeting I Went to Last Night
It started normal as it does always, and we started with the 3rd step prayer “God I offer myself to thee to build with me and to do with me as thou wilt relieve me of the bondage of self so I may better do thy will, take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of, Thy power Thy love and thy way of life, may I do Thy will always.” I like this prayer, I only relate to one principal of it, which is “remove me from the bondage of self”. I alter praying because I am somewhat a Secularist, I do get a little uneasy about the ‘idea of praying’ although I try not to let connotations get to me. … Read entire article »
Filed under: Recovery
My integration back into society, an inspirational tale
Integration back into society, I know this resonates with me because the only society I knew was me myself and I, locked in my bedroom, too paranoid to smoke a cigarette on the front lawn so I crawled outside my bedroom window although I kept getting in trouble for taking off the window screen. I had just turned twenty. I got fired from my job, because I was weird. I ended up in the psych ward for believing I was dying and I wasn’t even doing drugs during that time. I had NO conception of reality. NONE. I couldn’t look anyone in the eyes when I spoke, and I was terrified of all men in way where I dehumanized myself by acting servile to all of them. I hated myself basically. … Read entire article »
Your Using Story Doesn’t Make You Look Cool…We All Have One
There is a schism in Alcoholics Anonymous, understandably so, between the newcomers and the old timers. When I was a newcomer I didn’t like meetings where people shared about spiritually and how they commenced. You just euphemistically told me that I can’t drink or use for the rest of my life. AKA this God just diabolically destroyed my life…one day at a time. As you will hear an average of a million times a day “take it one day at a time”. Tell me about that one time you came to rehab and still ate out of the garbage bin in front of everyone because it was all you knew. Tell me about being an 18-year old girl whose best friend was a 40-year old vet who gave you a good deal on … Read entire article »
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