The questions I’m referring to reflect a widening perspective that, while alleviating the initial anxiety, may actually open up the person for even more profound existential uncertainties. For example, the question may initially be, How can I find a spouse…but might, if the client is lucky, “morph” into the more subtle question of, Why am I still so lonely at times, even though I love my husband/wife? Rather than, How can I jumpstart my career?, a client may soon be asking, Why do I still feel so dissatisfied, even though my career is taking off? or I’m glad I have a good career, but does it really mean anything or help anyone in a significant way? Relationally speaking, a client yearning for parenthood may find herself asking, I love my … Read entire article »

To return to the pressure of starting out in this profession… I’m wondering if perhaps “figuring it out” is the problem, at least partly: it places intellect too far above intuition. Too much intellect can lead to the “paralysis of analysis”, too much intuition can lead to impulsivity. Ideally, the two learn to work together. (Just like Barack and Hillary…only better.) Perfectionism is another major obstacle; perfectionism seeks concrete, guaranteed outcomes before the fact…and this result-oriented approach is a trap any way you slice it. Perfectionism looks for guarantees, often by means of rationality, and intellect. And if you’re looking for guarantees as a therapist…forget it. The results-oriented approach I’m speaking of seems to clash with the spaciousness required by UPR. UPR is, well, unconditional, and seeking guarantees via perfectionism … Read entire article »