Who Answers?

Annoying People In AA


It is very common to run into obnoxious people while attending an AA Meeting. These are individuals who piss you off on good days, and piss you off even more on bad days. While attending AA meetings many of these douche bags will most likely be present. I have taken the liberty of compiling a short list of some commonly seen douche nozzles while attending an AA meeting:


  • The Peanut Gallery:This group is full of those over-used bad “jokes” that would make Dane Cook cringe. Some examples of their high-brow intellectual humor: “at some of these we balked”- they balk like chickens,  “any other AA announcements”- they yell “don’t smoke crack!,” etc. When they shout their un-entertaining non-sense I’m typically left with the same feeling I have when I see a guy rollerblading down Venice beach in a pink thong and nipple tassels singing Cher. “Ah man… really? What a bummer.”


  • The Unique Edgy Kid: This guy/girl refuses to say, “Name…alcoholic” when everyone is introducing themselves. He/she typically has to set himself apart from the crowd, “Brett… raging partier and recovering beer pong champion.” Every time someone does this during a meeting I do a silent prayer, “God… please send a UFO to this AA meeting to abduct this dick and anally probe the idiocy out of him.”


  • Creepy McDouche: This guy (typically a guy) goes to meetings for one thing in mind… he’s going to attempt to get laid… then fail… go home solo and (I’m assuming) look at himself shirtless in the mirror while he flexes and says, “swag…swag…swagger… swag.” McDouche can be seen walking into meetings and promptly sitting next to the cutest girl he can find. His opener will be something like, “Sup… names Sean. I would give you my last name but it’s anonymous… am I right! (Goes in for high-five) How much time you got?” “6 months” “That’s sexy (wink).” My advice to the females that are bombarded by these barneysis to say, “Oh man… I’m exhausted! I just had my 7th abortion this year.”


  • The Cigarette Bum: “Hey can I give you a quarter for a cigarette, man?”  Somehow this became an okay question to ask. I always feel awkward when someone offers me a quarter for a cigarette. The quarter guy is probably the same person outside of Starbucks with flyers that says to you as you are in a rush, “Hey do you have a minute to end the decapitation of new-born babies in China.”


There will be more examples of douche bags that attend AA meetings to come.


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