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Anger Management

 

Lots of people have anger problems in this world and are sent to anger management – people like me.  I’m sorry to say that I really did not get anything of merit out of it.  It was just a group of people talking about what makes them angry, what stems from their anger, and what feelings they are truly feeling before they get angry.  Lots of people feel fear before anger.  Anger is fear-based they taught us, but I sometimes just get angry because I am angry.  I will wake up pissed off for no reason.  So I think anger management is kind of bullshit, at least for me, though it is probably helpful to some people.

I can see anger being fear-based for some people.  For example, I was in a house in Riverside with this fool waiting for the dope man to show up.  The dope man’s girl was there and she let us in to wait for him.  He came home and saw me and got angry because he thought his girl was cheating on him.  So, he walked up to her and wrapped a cord from a landline phone around her neck and started choking her and smashing her face in with the telephone.  I stood up and tried to stop it but the dope man’s homeboy had a gun and told us to leave. So we left feeling really shitty that we couldn’t stop him.

But I can see why he was mad, because he was scared of his girl cheating on him or losing her.  I’ve seen weird things like this happen before and it fucking makes me very mad.  I would never hit a girl unless my life was in danger with a gun or knife.  Violence is something I use in certain circumstances but NOT towards women.  Just dudes who I think need it.  More recently I have tried to refrain from using violence at all because, being in recovery, I am trying to changing my behavior.

There were lots of people in the class who I thought didn’t even need to be there.  It was stupid and they looked scared of some of us.  I know that some people need to be there, so they should still have it so they can learn something about themselves.  However, I do not feel I am getting much out of it and that attending the meetings is a big waste of time.

I have my own way of dealing with anger – working out is the best for me.  I just feel better after I lift weights so that’s what I do.  It’s also good for me that I’m getting stronger and gaining self-esteem because I’m looking better.  When I’m angry, hitting the gym is my medicine.  Talking about the problem too soon is not a good thing for me because I just get angrier – even to the point of rage.

Some people pray about it or talk about it.  Fuck that shit, just go and work out and then when you cool down go talk about it, if necessary.  If not, just leave it alone or it might get worse.

 

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Filed under: Treatment · Tags: anger, anger management, rage, Self-esteem