Reservations

December 19th, 2012 | Add a Comment

Now that you’ve gotten off of drugs, you may feel that you are not completely ready to remain sober. You may feel that you didn’t do enough drugs, you didn’t get a good enough high when you did drugs, that you never tried a particular drug you’re curious about, or that you never really hit a bottom. These are reservations that can lead you to relapsing and are a common reason why people relapse.

For me, hearing people in recovery talk about drugs can make me want to try them or do them again. Knowing that I will never feel the influence of a substance again is hard to deal with because for so long they made me feel so good. I possess reservations about the drugs I never tried, and hearing other people’s experiences with them may sound appealing and make me wish I had tried them before getting sober. I loved opiates and abused prescription pain-killers like Oxycontin, Vicodin, morphine pills, methadone and Demerol, but I never tried heroin or Dilaudid. For someone who likes opiates and opioids, not having ever done heroin leaves me wondering what it’s like.

The fact is, I am really fortunate to have never tried heroin because I would probably have loved it and my battle with addiction would have been even more difficult than it already is. Rational thinking like this does not always come to mind for addicts. We tend to act first and think about the consequences later. If I really wanted to, I could go and do heroin to find out for myself what it’s like.

This is where you have to pause and seriously consider your choices. You may have reservations, but what happens after you clear these up is not as predictable as the effects of the drug. You might not come back from this relapse and will destroy your life in the process. In my case, going back to using would likely mean having nowhere to go, no money to spend, damaging or losing relationships with family and friends, and almost certainly ending up back in jail or prison for a long time.

For addicts, drugs will always sound appealing. We love drugs, and what’s not to love about them? Drugs alone won’t destroy your life. Your health will suffer, but any addict who could use without any consequences would have no reason to want to become sober. The consequences that arise from drug use make it impossible for us to safely go back to using. So, before you relapse because of a reservation you have about being sober and never using again, think to yourself: “And then what? What happens after that?

Right now I am in a good place, I’m safe, I sleep in a comfortable bed, I’m surrounded by people who support and care about me, I have food to eat, and I feel better than I have since I was twelve years-old. If I used I would get high and may temporarily feel even better, but then what? I would eventually lose all the good things I’ve been blessed with and all that would be left is the drugs.

Being sober allows you take make better decisions for yourself. So, before you end your sobriety due to reservations you have about staying clean, make it a point to call your sponsor or talk to your friends or family and tell them how you feel. Sharing your thoughts out loud puts them in a better perspective and you can decide once you have sought support if you still want to relapse.