How to Find the Perfect Sober Living for You

February 29th, 2012 | Add a Comment

I have lived in four sober livings, and only one of them has been well run. I’ve learned a lot of valuable information about sober livings and techniques for finding adequate fits. Use this procedure to find an ideal sober living for you.

Start with the internet and find all the sober livings in the area you want to live. Check out the websites and get the contact information. There is no point to reading the content on the websites because they all say the same things. If you have a car the transportation matters significantly less, but if you are going to be driven or relying on the bus system, try locating one closer to your intensive outpatient facility or place of work. Additionally, be sure to call them and ask if they are willing to provide transportation.

Ask your friends who are or have been through sober livings which ones they preferred and tour these. Ask them for the ones they found awful so that you can avoid these. Especially consider sober livings where a friend already is. The transition is always easier if you already have a friend there.

Tour several of your choices. Do not just choose a place based on a single tour. You need to have several options. Don’t worry about pricing at this phase of development. Many facilities will ultimately be willing to compromise if you have financial need. Ask questions on the tour. Keep in mind what you are looking for. Do you want a compassionate place to grow or a place to whip you into shape? What do you think you need?

When you tour, keep your sensors out for the feel of the place. It isn’t just about the Persian architecture or modern décor, but about the actual energy. Could you feel safe here? Do you get a weird vibe? If the person touring you doesn’t seem right or is harsh with the girls in front of you, that just means they are very harsh when not giving a tour. Follow your gut.

Many sober livings have a restriction period of two weeks during which you are not allowed to leave the house alone, drive, or go to unstaffed meetings. I’ve found they are sometimes flexible, like if you need to go the gym, and nobody in the house wants to go. Ask if they would be flexible. I’ve found a general trend that these sober livings seem to be better put together and better run.

If you’re not going to be continuing your therapy with outpatient services, consider a sober living that has some sort of groups. For example, my current sober living has a therapist come once a week for a process group, a cooking class, yoga, art therapy, and “family fun” in addition to “family dinners” three days a week.

If your sobriety matters to you, always go to a facility that has regular drug testing, not just testing based on suspicion. If you don’t, other clients will undoubtedly be using. It also may help keep you sober.

Using these key factors and this procedure should land you in a decent sober living. If it doesn’t work out, just stay sober and look for another sober living.