Battling Sex Addiction

Drug addiction, alcohol addiction, work addiction, these are all known and often talked about problems of our society now a days. Now sex addiction, that’s a new one! After all how can you determine if you are addicted to sex, it is a natural desire everyone is born with, if we didn’t have sex and procreate there would be no population. I have not run into anyone who doesn’t like sex, and I have not met many that wouldn’t drop what they are doing for a little nookie, so does that mean we are addicted to sex and have a problem?

The American Psychiatric Association does not include sex addiction in their hand book, but many experts believe sex addiction is real and the Mayo Clinic claims that 3% to 6% of American adults are addicted to sex. Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., author of “Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love,” believes sex addiction is just as real as alcohol and drug addiction.

Kirschner says there is a line that can be crossed leading to sex addiction. The line she says is when “the person repeatedly manages their stress, emotional disturbance, suffering, or other problems by turning to a sexual outlet to diminish their upset.” She also describes the six fundamental signs of sex addiction:

1. Engaging in sexual behavior frequently, to a greater extent, or for longer than the person intended.
2. Having difficulty stopping or controlling the sexual behavior.
3. Spending a large amount of time thinking about, procuring, acting out, or recovering from the sexual behavior.
4. Sexual addiction interferes with current relationships, work and/or financial responsibilities.
5. A sex addict needs to do more of the sexual behaviors over time to gain satisfaction.
6. If not engaging in the sexual behavior, the addict feels anxious, distressed, depressed or angry.

Others agree with Kirschner that sex addiction is real. Sex addiction can also be used as an excuse cheating men would use to rationalize their promiscuity. Ruth Houston is one of the believers of sex addiction and the overuse of the term that many cheating men use to defend their behavior.

Tiger Woods and Jesse James are two celebrities accused of cheating and both are blaming sex addiction for their unfaithfulness. Houston has her own beliefs regarding the two men.

“I believe that Tiger Woods is a sex addict and that Jesse James is not. The women Tiger got involved with were easily within his reach; he didn’t go out searching for them. They were strippers, night club hostesses, all people he came into contact with while out eating or while out on the town. Jesse went out searching for a specific type of woman; he knew what he was doing, and it was contrived on his part.”

She goes on to clarify, “Sex addiction means taking risks that a ‘normal’ person wouldn’t take. Look at all the risks Tiger took–he didn’t even bother to use protection, and he had all these incriminating text messages and voice mails. He didn’t take the normal precautions cheating men would take. He was going hog wild! He’s an intelligent man who should know better, but his sex addiction was overcoming his common sense. The sheer number of women he slept with is outrageous. He was most likely engaged in this type of behavior before his marriage, and he never stopped.”

So does being a sex addict excuse the person’s behavior? I believe each case is different. Just like alcohol and drug addiction, it doesn’t just affect one person. If the addict gets help and is in recovery, only time will tell if trust is able to be gained fully. I think many different factors go into making the decision to stay with a cheating partner: status of the relationship; a dating couple, a separated couple or a married couple, if there are kids involved, and the lengths the couple is willing to go to get help.

Personally, I would not continue the relationship but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t forgive the person or cut all ties with them. If I were to continue a sexual relationship with someone who had cheated on me, it wouldn’t work and if it did it wouldn’t be a healthy relationship. Either I would be constantly nagging my partner about what he’s doing, where he is going or who he was talking to, which would put stress on the relationship. I believe the victim of the situation has to be in a healthy and strong frame of mind to continue such a relationship, because a lot of work will need to be done.

Sex addiction is becoming a more and more talked about and researched. There are many places someone can go if they have a sex addiction need help. However I think if sex doesn’t get in the way of your daily life, go right ahead and do the deed, just be safe.

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