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AA Haterade

 

We all know those people in AA that sit in the back and talk to themselves; the lone wolf, the homeless person that just comes in for the free Oreo’s, the guy/girl who comes into look for the next pieces of ass and the man or women who is way too into AA also known as a Big Book thumper, oh and also the person who just got out of court for his D.U.I and is required to go to meetings.

One big reason I go to AA is to build my self-esteem because there are always those who are much more screwed up then myself. For example, who exactly made “Joe Shmo” the AA king? We all know who “Joe” is. He is the man who has the big book on his lap, with different colored sticky notes hanging out of it. Does he have a life? How does he afford all those sticky notes and the highlighters?

He is the guy, who, when he shares he quotes the book and tells you exactly what page he is quoting from. He is also that guy who makes you feel like shit for not even opening the book. “Joe” is the man I hate.”Joe” is also the quiet, creepy guy who tries to talk to the new comer and gives an awkward smile and says it will be “ok” as he puts his arm around you, as something grows from his pants. Well that is enough about “Joe”. If you see a “Joe” in your meeting, just stay calm and contact your nearest AA brother, and don’t travel alone while he is near.

The next person I would like to point out would be the homeless man who comes in for an hour of judgment, a cup of Joe (coffee not Joe Shmo, unless he is into that). He is also the man who steals all the Oreo cookies and is not sneaky about it, as the evidence is all over his face or his shirt (if he has one). There is always a few of those people in meetings. This man almost always has a pungent smell to him that can only be from one thing, and that is cross-smells of chewed gum from a night’s sleep on the curb and the smell of cleaner that comes from the street sweeper as he passes the man’s sleeping post. Now if you see this man in your meeting DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT as this is the secret language of the homeless.

For example a two second direct eye contact stare means it is okay for him to come up and ask for money, once you go beyond that two second mark it either means you are willing to sleep with him or her, or that are willing to talk to him about his feelings.

We also know the man or women, who walk into the meetings in a mini skirt and a shirt that they stole from baby gap. They are the AA sluts who will just about sleep with anyone and they might just hold a five second stare to the homeless man. That almost means marriage to the homeless man. The slut is also the one who wants you to look at him or her, but if you are caught they then play hard to get. They just love that chase. Also, I have noticed that the slut is usually the one who is missing a few teeth or just has a half a tooth. Not the most attractive in the room, but we give them the benefit of the doubt and pretend they are the finest piece of ass we have ever seen.

The next person who is quit noticeable is the quiet man or women who looks down and is very mysterious. He is the one who just got out of court for a D.U.I. He is also the person who will look up when the 7th tradition is announced and fumble around for a buck that they know they don’t have, or don’t want to give. He or she is also the one who is texting their drug dealer about how much bullshit this whole situation really is.

What is it with the kids who run around screaming in meetings? Where did they come from and where the fuck is their mother or father? I would be lying if I have never stuck my leg out in front of one of them, but someone has to put them in their place! The parent is usually so absorbed with herself that she forgets she has a child. I mean, if I had a child, that thing would be on a leash or at a real day care.

Like why are kids even allowed in the AA rooms? Doesn’t the parent realize that the f-bomb is tossed around just like the AA slut? That dam child’s first word is going to be fuck, slut, bitch, crack, coke, whore or coke/crack-whore. Leave your damn child at home. The kid would be safer alone then in a room full of addicts that might try to pawn the child for a crack rock.

Okay, that is enough of my rant before I offend to many more people. If you are the thumper, the humper, or the mother I am sorry but this is what we think of you. Get your shit under control. Actually don’t because we all need something or someone to laugh at!

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Filed under: Addiction, Alcohol and Drugs, Recovery, Treatment · Tags: 12 step meetings, 12 step program, 12-steps, Addiction, drug addiction, Recovery