The author wonders why this election has become so compelling... Read More »

Put a using addict at a funeral surrounded by family and friends who know all about the trips to treatment and current state of substance abuse and what do you get? You get a woman wearing a wig. Okay, that’s not obvious to anyone but if you’ve ever been an active addict in the middle of a raging addiction and under severe emotional stress-it might start to make sense. Such is the circumstances behind my Grandmother’s funeral two weeks ago and the addict I love, my sister. Here’s how it went.
God love my angel and best friend of a Grandma. She was 94 and was an integral part of our lives growing up. To say I loved her deeply is an understatement. Losing a Grandma is awful-no matter what the age but especially tough if the relationship was as close as the one she I shared. Traveling home for her funeral and thrusting myself into the chaos and emotional claustrophobia that is my family made the whole sad event even more difficult. However, with the support of a wonderful husband and a generous helping of ... Read More »

I know I am thinking too much when it’s hard for me to feel
Farris wheels are spinning so fast that the memories become so real

I’m in the fight of my life, don’t worry I got you covered like a shield
This is my mind as it talks and plays games like deal or no deal

I want to know my pain and joy but to know this I have to feel
It’s like trying to open up an envelope to get the prize without breaking the seal

I’m fastened and tied, part of me has died
Maybe it was the love withheld or maybe just the lies
If I hold on to my past, I can’t be in the present moment
Family can feel so divided like a dividend with no quotient

Now it’s time to be, by being me the truth shall set one free
I’ve been blind to feel the pain so now I’m taking of the mask to see

Instead of a fragmented plate, I place the remnants in a bowl
For what others have not loved, I shall love to make my being whole.

This reminds me of an Aerosmith song that stuck in my head. Someone asked me to write about the past and letting go of it, so here is what I have to say. These are my perceptions and my truths only.   Letting go of the past is like swimming in the ocean trying to get to shore being attached to a buoy. The past IS gone.  But if it is gone, why is it still here?  It cannot be changed and it cannot be rewritten. The time and energy that is spent on wishing it was different can keep one stuck in it. Resistance to the past just brings and feeds more of that same energy to it. You want to let go of the past? Then don’t resist it. Embrace it. Accept that it happened. Hey, I may go as far as to say it was supposed to happen. It was meant to be for you to learn something or experience something from that.  Look deeper to see the whole picture of why it happened and how you have changed from it, not only for the worse, but for the bette ... Read More »

An occasional scrapbook of observations and thoughts. Read More »

Don''t believe the hype. Read More »

   The word alone manifests an expectation. Out comes…? Out comes a baby. Out comes laughter. Out comes anger. Out comes an expectation of something I am hoping for. This simple word has never looked and felt as daunting as now. What is even more shackling is the feeling that I am attached to it. We can all tend to get attached to outcomes. I think it is a part of human behavior to enter into a situation with an outcome in mind. We act out of our own interest. We are creative beings who fantasize what an outcome will be or what it looks like. How something will play out. When doing this, I am not in the moment, in the journey or enjoying either one. I am only in the future and in agenda of what I think the outcome should be. Ah, there are the two words that should never be….SHOULD BE. How many times have you thought of what or how something should be and, in turn, have been extremely disappointed? Should be ... Read More »

Treating Sexual Addiction.  I''ve also seen many coming in for treatment, spread the word, talk about it and lets continue the healing of the people on the planet.

In the beginning of my recovery it was all I could do to share at a meeting. In fact, the first time I went to a dreaded women’s meeting I was so petrified I just watched. Service work was far from my mind but something I’d been told would be invaluable to my recovery. For me, the value of service work was mystifying in a way that rivaled my murky understanding of step three.   Today, service is one of the clear markers of my personal progress in recovery and something I know has rounded my recovery in a way that is incalculable.

It started with making coffee. I loved being “coffee girl” as everyone loves coffee and the person who brings it. Someone said to me once, “making coffee will keep you clean” and I do believe it helped to do just that early on. Then, somehow in my first year I was forcibly nominated to co-chair my NA meeting. Huh? I asked, “How is this service?” and the old-timers just smiled and nodded with a ... Read More »

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king''s horses and all the king''s men Couldn''t put Humpty together again.   I have heard this nursery rhyme since I was a little kid, but I now have a different and more optimistic viewpoint…     “Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.” But if he did not have this great fall,  he would have not broken into pieces. Maybe Humpty wanted to experience the feeling of being whole. The only way he could do this was to break. How can we even know what wholeness or balance or feeling good feels like if we do not know the polarity? When I would hear the nursery rhyme, I would always feel bad for him. In present time, looking at the nursery rhyme, I feel excitement in Humpty’s journey! What an incredible opportunity and experience he had. He fell and broke into pieces so he could see himself as parts of a whole. “All the king ... Read More »